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[21 Jul 2007|11:36pm] |
I just feel like doing a diary type thing
so good things and bad things are both taking place in my life...normal
unfortunately its not as easy as listing the good things and listing the bad because life is way more intertwined than that so here is some type of explanation:
I am very excited to be moving back to Kalamazoo in about 3 weeks. I want to be with Greg and I also want to be the hell out of CTP. Out of the uncleanable pigsty, away from the selfish pig, away from my mom tho. So much guilt there.
My mom has me she says....
When I leave there will be soooo much guilt because my mom and i have built up this alliance and it's kinda like i have a way out and she is still stuck and its like im sayin PEACE OUT. sigh
I love greg so much tho. I can't wait to be back with him.
stupid bitch from work: "I can't believe you guys are staying apart for 4 months...i thought you were supposed to be in love"
me: "yea well my mom needs me more than he does. its as simple as that"
Its amazing how some people just take. They will drain you dry and if you keep giving they will take your blood and with every snatch they will be 100% ungrateful. Amazing.
What am i supposed to be learning?
I realize that life isnt fair. I got that part and that's fine. its life. And i am okay despite the crap that I have to deal with because I really believe that it can always get so much worse. I actually am proud of myself for how okay I am despite everything. Sometimes tho it feels like I can't stop moving...go go go because if I stop then I will break down.
Haha sometimes I wish i could pick up another addiction. But it turns out that I really dont have an addictive personality so its hella hard for me to commit to anything.
Why do people call you strong when you simply haven't lost it? Being okay is a mental choice that one makes every day. Nothing needed to be praised.
I will be okay and I have learned immensely from this life so far. I am evolving.
Things hurt....a lot sometimes but I am so lucky for so much. Greg, my mom, my jobs, my school...thank god for everything I have, and the truth is that no matter how much Rod tries to hurt us, he can't anymore because I've ripped him out of my heart completely. Theres nothing to hurt anymore but there's also nothing to repair. I feel badly about that.
....choices...everyday choices become your character...
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| nobody updates anymore.... |
[20 Feb 2007|07:39pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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So since I'm one of those people that never update anymore, I thought I'd finally do it...
I'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the world....and the ring ain't bad eitha.
We got engaged on New Years Eve after dating for over 2 years.
I have the flu.
That's about all that's new.
Even though my body is feeling crappy, I feel great. :)
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[16 Nov 2006|09:54am] |
Today is Vanita's BIRFDAY so say happy birthday to her if u haven't already.
Classes are going really well for me this semester. I am getting straight As.
I've finally decided what major to go into...public relations. hooray for me.
Really tho i dont want a career. i wanna stay home and raise babies and watch oprah and montel.
I'll make more money than Greg in my job tho...so together we'll make over $100,000 a year. that's not bad at all!
I went home to work at St. Joe's and when i went to the commissary guess who i saw....GUESS!!!! ok ill tell you...
the PAUL PARENTS!!! hooray! good people. they are popular tho cuz they ran into some other people before me so i waited my turn.
so anyway life's good...bla bla bla...
i miss the Paul children. :(
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[20 Oct 2006|08:27am] |
Fridays are a bitter tease for me. I like them because the weekend is just around the corner, but i dont because its my busiest day of the week.
So at work today I am supposed to go thru some smoke-filled trailor and not die, and then come out and go to a lecture that basically says "you didn't like that smoke in your lungs did you?! Well, that's why you have to know where the fire exits are! It's fire awareness week!" ugh....oh well at least its 30 min that ill get paid for.
In other news, the doctor told my dad that if he doesnt immediately lose weight he will die, so to cope with this stressful news my dad dug his face into a large steak and 1lb. of french fries immediately after the appointment.
hmm...
i havent gone to work at my other job in like 3 months...i wonder if my boss cares. tee hee.
anyway, back to the exciting day here at Waldo Library.
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[20 Jun 2006|03:43pm] |
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by the way, my icons will always be related to jason mraz, so if u don't get them, its because you are a sad individual that has not yet embraced the musical talents of jason mraz.
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[30 May 2006|07:00pm] |
scratch that...make it Thursday June 15th thru the weekend cuz sunday is fathers day so youll probably all wanna be home on that sunday.
you can leave sat night or sunday morning.
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[18 May 2006|10:01pm] |
the last episode of Will & Grace was on tonight....I won't lie...
I cried.
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[20 Apr 2006|09:46pm] |
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)
Lucky Pineterrace
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother
on your dad's side, your favorite candy)
Mildred Chocolate
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name,
first two or three letters of your last name
C-Bec
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)
Tiger Maroon
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name,
city where you were born)
Mary Mt. Clemens
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's
maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Bec Nor Cla
7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name
spelled backwards)
Yram Ronnoco
8. PORN STAR NAME:
(middle name, father's middle initial, street you grew up on)
Mary C. Crosley
9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color,
an automoblie you have)
The Maroon Elantra
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[28 Mar 2006|09:49am] |
God, this is bothering me so much...
First of all, I know I do not want to do elementary ed. period.
Secondly, I know I WANT to do musical theater very very badly.
I emailed the head of the musical theater dept and she said I JUST missed the deadline for auditions for the fall. DAMNIT!!!
Things to consider:
Is my voice good enough?
Can I get down to a size 4 again and stay there for performance reasons.
Will I ever make it enough to pay the bills?
If any of these answers are no, then I should find something else to go into.
Entreprenuer?
Take dumb ass business classes and open up a restaurant....i guess id like that.
Culinary school...that would be fun, but id probably get really fat from all the good food....
NOTHING MEDICAL definitely. not after working in the medical field and seeing the stress that goes with it.
Music? Become a music teacher?
Not smart enough for high school+ and couldn't take the everyday screeching of the elementary-middle school kids.
Music? Become a performer for orchestras n such?
Again, auditions....rejections...would I be good enough? I would have to learn a new instrument entirely.
SIGH
I need help deciding, but who do I turn to?
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| IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND YOU LOVE ME THEN PLLLEASE FILL THIS OUT!! |
[24 Mar 2006|08:58am] |
I really want people to respong to this...pleassssssssssssssssssssssse?
it would make me feel good :) be honest
I'm not making it a link so you will see it better and u will do it!!
what would you do if...
1. I made a move on u:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I asked you on a date:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?
10. i asked u out?
::WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Body:
::WOULD YOU::
13. Be my friend?
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?
15. Hold my hand?
16. Go on a date with me?
17. Keep in touch?
18. Try and solve my problems?
19. Love me?
20. Date me?
::HAVE YOU EVER::
21. Lied to make me feel better?
22. Wanted to kiss me?
23. Wanted to kill me?
24. Broke my heart?
25. Kept something important from me?
26. Wanted to do me?
::AND MORE::
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?
::WOULD YOU::
39. Kiss me?
40. Makeout with me?
41. Lap dance?
42. Sex?
43. Kiss my neck?
44. Make me smile when im sad?
45. Care for me no matter what?
46. Always speak the truth?
47. Dance with me in the rain?
48. Love me for me?
49. Bake cookies with me!?
50. Go for late night walks
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[16 Mar 2006|10:02pm] |
so on ABC Primetime there is a news story about a new strategy to lose weight:
they threaten the women to lose the weight or be on national television in a bikini that is too small for you until you are humiliated enough to lose the weight. Then the man that is on there must lose the weight or he and his wife will havev to appear on tv, nearly naked.
They are scaring people into losing weight.
How is that healthy?
That is the biggest crock of SHIT I have ever heard!!
First of all, women are vulnerable and sensitive about their weight. It is something that has always been and most likely always will be in America. If a person tells her she is fat, then at the very least it has ruined her day, and at the most, could spiral her into an obsessive weight control problem whether it is too low or too high, or it could even result in an eating disorder. That is how serious this issue is.
Without going into it too much, lemme just say this: America's society tells us that women are worthless if they are over a certain number on the scale. They are not worth talking to in a bar, and certainly not worth loving and marrying. Ever heard the saying "the hot girl and her fat friend"? Of course there are exceptions to this, but for the most part, fit lean men do not interact with overweight women in the dating world.
Now, going back to the weight loss strategy: Being nearly naked on national tv is difficult for many women no matter what their size is because everyone has flaws which they feel more comfortable hiding underneath clothing. Actresses work out everyday for MONTHS before they are seen in bikinis for their 30 second clips on television.
How could something so traumatic be beneficial to a person's self esteem?? I see this falling one of two ways: the person is mortified and loses the weight, but has a completely warped and unhealthy sense of self for the rest of his/her life, or the person is incredibly embarrassed and hates him/herself for ever doing this, and all the while their body never changes.
This comes from me who has had an eating disorder of my own. I fell into the trap of society's rules, and I regret it to this day. I thought I was happy because I looked better being 70lbs lighter, and because men gave me much more attention than I ever thought I was worth. All the while no one saw the pain and sacrifice I went through in order to do this little dance for superficiality. My weight fluctuates as quickly as the days of the week, but I would NEVER hurt my self esteem as badly as going on this "weight loss program" on television. It just goes to show that the media will do anything for a quick buck.
okay i feel better.
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[13 Mar 2006|05:52pm] |
what a nice day!!!!
it was actually hot outside.
except there was a tornado watch here in kalamazoo.
...and it's supposed to snow tomorrow.
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[09 Mar 2006|02:54pm] |
ugh...this pisses me off sooo much...
and such a little thing sparked this...
I went online and saw that under his quiz thing, best friend category I'm in there...
I miss my friend. He was a really great friend. It is difficult for Greg to accept him as my friend because my friend and I almost had a thing once....
I'm bending over backwards to not let anyone take it...
Yet he never returns my calls...
He never takes the time to even leave me messages online or anything....just to show that he still knows I exist...
DAVE, you were one of my best friends. I'm trying, but I'm starting to think that this isn't worth fighting for.
I realize youre busy, but I am too, and I want to stay friends with you....what should I do?
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| spring break |
[06 Mar 2006|05:45pm] |
spring break was okay i guess.
i got to relax for a few days
then went to Chicago to see Blue Man Group, and then went to the aquarium and museum there
there was a dead cat or something outside our window of our hotel.
then i got VIOLENTLY sick for the a good chunk of break. i was either in bed or throwing up in the bathroom.
then i went home to work. that was ok. made like $75
then its back to school.
eh...more later.
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[21 Feb 2006|08:14am] |
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happy birthday to my mom and Nikki and also...RENT comes out today!!!! :)
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[17 Feb 2006|10:00am] |
Sleeping beauty, Princess briar rose.
There she lay, so beautiful that he could not turn
his eyes away, and he stooped down and gave
her a kiss. But as soon as he kissed her,
briar-rose opened her eyes and awoke, and
looked at him quite sweetly.
Which FAIRY TALE PRINCESS are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Belle from Beauty and the Beast
You're probably used to always being top of your
class. You have a gifted mind for
understanding and a thirst for knowledge,
especially literature. You are an
independent soul is just as content to be by
themself as be with others, though you love
long, deep conversations one-on-one with
someone who stimulates your intelect. Watch
out that your loness does not isolate you or
keep you from knowing how to interact with
others.
Which Disney Heroine Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Another Friday morning... |
[17 Feb 2006|08:55am] |
It's amazing how much more awake I am in the morning if I eat breakfast. Wow.
Greg and I are disagreeing on certain things, but I am confident that we will stay together. I'm not too worried about it.
I am going thru Anne Rice books like whoadang...it's better than doing homework.
my teacher added me on facebook............odd.
So plans may be changing about the summer. No one is doing anything about getting a house, so I may be coming back to HTP for the summer. I guess it's bitter sweet.
My major.....ugh......decisions....
My phone bill is gonna be HUGE cuz of all the texting...I'm a texting whore now.
I wish it was noon already.
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[13 Feb 2006|04:45pm] |
3 days of partying....holy christ...
friday:
party at greg's apartment.
played beer pong
won 5 games in a row.
best time ever.
passed out.
saturday:
went to U of M and partied w Mitch and company.
wow.
highlighter open in her back pocket made the whole entire front of his pants yellow. grinding?
bells pizza while drunk
stayed up til 8am on the phone or watchin tv w mitch.
wonderful night
sunday:
had to write a paper, but decided to get drunk instead.
jenn greg and me played some kinda version of beer pong....but with vodka, long islands, and beer all randomly lined up.
played truth or dare jenga or some shit like that.
hey bartender....im thirsty....
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[07 Feb 2006|08:22am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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today is tuesday.....i fucking hate tuesdays....i have a case of the tuesdays or some shit like that.
so my personal trainer isnt kicking my ass as much anymore...perhaps im getting stronger..?
so im reading "the five people u meet in heaven".....wow very good book. i recommend it...or at least be a lazy ass and go rent the movie.
i seriously need to go tanning. that would make me look like 439085406 times better.
so kevin kiernicki leaves me a message askin how im doin, so i write back saying whats up, and then i get no response...hurry up i wanna hear back from you!
im starting to get the hang of myspace, although i find it useless compared to livejournal.
on facebook i was asked to be in the group "WMU's HOTT 100" oooooooooooookay. so anyway from there they pick 200 people and then narrow it down to 100. frankly i dont wanna make it nor will i make it into the 100 group which i guess will appear in some magazine, but i wont lie, it made my day that i was asked to be in it.
donkey kong finds it necessary to text me all the time now......wonnnnnderful. *rolles eyes*
when are we gonna get a house????????????????????????????
my trainer had me stick my ass in the air at the gym yesterday for like 15 minutes.....good thing it wasnt in front of like 50 people....ohhhhh wait.
i miss Vincent. i havent seen him in so long and ive been thinking about him lately. I hope life is treating him very well cuz he deserves it.
so i think courtney is pissed at me again because i "dont make time" for her. shut the shit up...im busy.
ok...i should be studying for another fucking test today...UGH why cant they just lecture and then we pass if we come to classssssssssssssss. UGH
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[02 Feb 2006|08:51pm] |
scene: me walking from my car to the dorm while a bigg fat old retarded man walks in the same direction.
big fat old retarded guy: heyyyyyyyyyy you! how are YOU doin tonight??
me: ...........................................................................................................................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
i think i handled that rather well...
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